Shitty Movie Detail: Brightburn

Brandon Breyer full crazy mode in the woods.
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

Brandon Breyer wears a mask to hid his identity. Not because he wants to protect his privacy, or his family, or because it’s cool in that Mike Myers/Jason Voorhees serial killer way, but because if he gets caught cleansing the planet his parents will take away Minecraft.

Shitty Movie Detail: Avengers Endgame

Avengers’ hands in before time heist.
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

Endgame gives a not subtle nod to Star Trek, Terminator, Time Cop, Time After Time, Quantum Leap, Wrinkle in Time, Somewhere in Time, Hot Tub Time Machine, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Die Hard, and Back to the Future for their establishing the rules of time travel and then immediately tries to re-write those rules. Uhm, hello!?! The rules were established in the past, silly rabbit! And you can’t go back and change the past. Right?

Shitty Movie Detail: Hellboy (2019)

Hellboy (2019) Promotional Poster
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

At the Osiris Club, Dr. Edward Carp asks Hellboy (of his right hand), “Does it do anything special?” Yes. It has three fingers, the middle one being “the bird” which director, Neil Marshall, and writer, Andrew Cosby, manage to give to the audience for the entire 2 hour runtime of this film.

Shower Thoughts: The Grogs

Shower head with water running.

When I wake up, how groggy I feel is directly proportional to how deep in sleep I was. When a diver is coming up from the depths, if he/she comes up too quickly there’s the risk of developing “the bends.” Does that mean that grogginess sleep’s form of the bends, albeit less deadly (unless operating heavy machinery or hand grenades)?

Shitty Movie Detail: Shazam

Shazam
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

Rating: 0 ⭐️. This movie sucks donkey balls. Not once did it identify the songs I played for it. There was a long list of songs at the end of the credits, but what the hell? That doesn’t help me. I want my money back. Worst. Movie. EVAR!