Journaling June: Damnable Delusions

The baggie of white cheddar popcorn could save my life, but it’s no use. It’s right there on the table, a few feet away, and I cannot reach it.

(it’s only a slight stretch. we can do it.)

And aggravate my back? I can barely breathe, shallowly, lying perfectly still.

(we have to do something. we’ll starve if we wait here for help.)

And if I move I risk permanent paralysis. I just have to hold on. Somehow.

(why did we have to—)

Let’s not get into that again. What’s done is done. I’m just thankful the damned dogs have calmed down. Foul beasts. I just knew they were going to cripple me.

(look, outside, there on the fence. a cardinal bird. aren’t they harbingers of good news?)

I dunno. They always remind me of the Spanish Inquisition. Let’s hope you’re right. The last thing I need right now is a bunch of red clad idiots barging in here looking to string me up.

(they’d surely rile up the dogs.)

Hmm. . .

(what?)

That would be an opportunity. I might be able to get the dogs riled up in the right direction: at the inquisition. Maybe it’d be enough to distract them into leaving the door open. With the door open I could—

(wait. shhhhh. whaz’zat sound? someone’s coming. oh, god, it’s happening!)

The footsteps stopped at the door. The handle clicked and the door swung open slowly. The dogs didn’t register any of it.

“Hey, sweetie. I wanted to check on you,” Vicky said, her head poking halfway in. “How are you feeling?”

“Back hurts,” I moan. “Hungry.”

“I put a snack on your bedside table.”

“Can’t reach. Not without paralyzing—“

“Okay. Okay. I’ll come get it. I don’t want you to over do it and hurt yourself more. Reaching for the tissue did enough damage.”

“Don’t disturb the dogs. I don’t want them to jump on me.”

“I’ll be careful,” she whispered.

Vicky tip-toed into the room and around the bed with cat-like precision. Rather than jump up and follow her every move, the dogs continued to snooze quietly on the bed next to me. One sighed contentedly, sliding even deeper into sleep.

Vicky picked up the baggie and handed it to me. I smiled up at her. She kissed my forehead softly. Slowly I clicked open the baggie, trying to be as quiet as possible. Vicky gave me a look that asked if I was good. I nodded.

Vicky padded back out. She closed the door silently behind her.

(phew! that was close.)

Tell me about it. That could have been nasty. This popcorn’s delicious.

(right. it’s like a cool draught of water when we wake up in the middle of the night. how does that even work? water doesn’t have a flavor yet somehow it’s the best tasting thing ever!)

Good question. I dunno. Speaking of, I sure could . . . Oh no!

(what?)

My mouth is all dry from the popcorn. A swallow of water from my tumbler could save my life, but it’s no use. It’s right there on the table, a few feet away. I cannot reach it.

6 Replies to “Journaling June: Damnable Delusions”

  1. When I put out my back, it’s really a strain or a knot in my piriformis (a stabilizing muscle in the butt). It often acts up when I’m unexpectedly torqued to the side. The remedy is sticking a tennis ball under your butt muscles and rolling around on it, making sure that you poke the entirety of your butt. Something to think about.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thankfully my back is much better now, but I will definitely give this a try. Even if my back is better, it can’t hurt. And, when it happens the next time (ugh) I’ll have another thing to try!

      Thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. As much as I work on my “scoundrelness,” my wife still beats me. April Fools is my favorite holiday, and our anniversary. Quick version of the story:

      I wanted to punk my friends. I told them we were having a Buddhist wedding, but because of scheduling, we’d do food first at “our” restaurant and then the ceremony. (Yes, I work hard to fool them, too. I can’t believe they fell for it.) After we finished eating I said, “April Fools. We’re not getting married today.” As a couple of my friends were coming round the table to lynch me, my wife stopped them with, “ACTUALLY . . . My brother-in-law is a preacher, and I have our paperwork,” she pulled out the forms. “We can get married right here, right now.” And we did. She TOTALLY won April Fools forever. Damn it!

      But, it was SO AWE-some to see the look on the staffs’ faces when we walked out to the patio to do the impromptu ceremony. See, we hadn’t paid yet. So they weren’t sure if we, a group of about 20 people, were seriously about to do a wedding ceremony or trying to run out on the check. I mean, it WAS April 1st.

      Priceless.

      Liked by 1 person

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