Journaling June: Damnable Synchronicity

Synchronicity’s definition from The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language third edition.

The past few months have been a synchronicity smorgasbord. Most recently it was a from Brain Pickings: Herman Hesse on Solitude, the Value of Hardship, and How to Find Your Destiny.

I don’t know how the universe works, and I’m not sure I’m ready to fully endorse the idea of some “greater power” pulling strings to show me, Aeryk Pierson, some speck of nobody on the planet Earth, what it is that I’m supposed to do, know, etc. Yet, at the same time, it is a crazy coincidence that just as I’m struggling with getting in touch with my shadow, wrestling with how to become who I am, battling with my physical and mental issues, that I come across a blog post by Maria Papova in which she writes about Herman Hesse—specifically about his take on solitude and the value of hardship. And, additionally, how he is furthering Nietzsche’s own call for owning one’s pain and suffering in the pursuit of creating yourself.

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Journaling June: This Is Why I Hate Writing Challenges

I hate days like today. It started so promisingly. My morning chores and hygiene routine went of without a hitch. The commute into work was so smooth I don’t remember it—I was zoned out and on autopilot. And best of all, at no point did I play out one of my anxiety fantasies. Anxiety fantasies are farcical situations about random things that have nothing to do with me at all.

(for instance, being brutally attacked by a police officer, a former girlfriend’s brother no less. the resulting court case is so devastating to the law enforcement community that all police, everywhere, are relieved of duty. this causes society to breakdown. civilization is reduced to a mad max dystopia.)

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Journaling June: The More I Stay the Same, The More I Change

Seymour sleeping on the street, waiting for Fry to return.

As a young boy I was a cruel to lizards. More than cruel, I was sadistic. I would torture them. I didn’t get any pleasure out of it. It was just something I did, like breathing or watching TV or existing. One minute I would be electrocuting a lizard with a battery charger, the next eating a sandwich with Dad talking about airplanes.

The nonchalant savagery has haunted me for years.

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Journaling June: Pros and Cons of Pros and Cons

Paper with two columns labeled pros and cons.

I was taught to make a pros and cons list when facing a tough decision. Like most things my teachers told me, that suggestion made the quick in-and-out my ears trip. But, I think today I’ll give it the old college “why the hell not?”

Here’s the background. Each morning I make my own cappuccino. Lately I’ve been wondering if it would be better to get it from Starbucks. Let’s make the chart:

Pro

  1. It’s more convenient.

Okay. Done. Starbucks it is!

(but wait . . . )

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