Shitty Movie Detail: Shazam

Shazam
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

Rating: 0 ⭐️. This movie sucks donkey balls. Not once did it identify the songs I played for it. There was a long list of songs at the end of the credits, but what the hell? That doesn’t help me. I want my money back. Worst. Movie. EVAR!

Shitty Movie Detail: Toast of London

Matt Berry is Steven Toast.
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

The title is a quadruple entendre: First, it refers to the toasted bread the British love to eat in the morning. Second, it refers to the idiom about a celebrated person. Third it is the name of the protagonist Steven Toast. And finally, it places the story in the same universe as Ren & Stimpy where there is a super hero Powdered Toast Man.

Shitty Movie Detail: Good Omens

Aziraphale and Crowley, good and evil, sitting on the Earth.
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

Aziraphale and Crowley wear white and black, respectively, which is a subtle nod to them being an angel and devil, respectively. This is also a subtle nod to Yin and Yang, from the Talmud, which fortells of Ragnarok, the anglicized version of Yom al Ayama, which—spoiler alert—is what the story is about.

Shower Thoughts: Avian Fat Grunt

Shower head with water running.

Sometimes when doves/pigeons take off they make a fluttering noise in time with their wings flapping. Since they are taking off, usually from a stand still, I’d imagine that it takes quite a bit of effort, despite they’re being light. All that being the case, is that fluttering noise their “fat grunt?”

My Baby’s Got Sauce

Black heart graffiti on wall at local pizzeria.

”Got a sharp mouth a sharp tongue” —G. Love

My wife is the best.

Yeah . . . Yeah . . . Yeah. . . I know. Your baby’s got sauce. But your baby ain’t SUH-WEET like mine.

You’re incredulous. I get it. You’re wondering, out of all the 70 hundred million billion wifes out there, how can I make such a bold claim? Cause this happened:

I was having a bad day. Full disclouse (assuming you don’t want to read the link provided), the shituation was completely my fault. I even realized it at the time. Regardless, a shit storm’s a shit storm and as much as I’d like to be a stoic master, I am not. I went full Hulk over some minuscule entitlement that was being denied me: Popeyes was out of chicken, for the moment, and I was going to have to wait for a full 15 minutes to get a freshly made batch.

(travesty!)

Continue reading “My Baby’s Got Sauce”