Journaling June: This Is Why I Hate Writing Challenges

I hate days like today. It started so promisingly. My morning chores and hygiene routine went of without a hitch. The commute into work was so smooth I don’t remember it—I was zoned out and on autopilot. And best of all, at no point did I play out one of my anxiety fantasies. Anxiety fantasies are farcical situations about random things that have nothing to do with me at all.

(for instance, being brutally attacked by a police officer, a former girlfriend’s brother no less. the resulting court case is so devastating to the law enforcement community that all police, everywhere, are relieved of duty. this causes society to breakdown. civilization is reduced to a mad max dystopia.)

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Journaling June: The More I Stay the Same, The More I Change

Seymour sleeping on the street, waiting for Fry to return.

As a young boy I was a cruel to lizards. More than cruel, I was sadistic. I would torture them. I didn’t get any pleasure out of it. It was just something I did, like breathing or watching TV or existing. One minute I would be electrocuting a lizard with a battery charger, the next eating a sandwich with Dad talking about airplanes.

The nonchalant savagery has haunted me for years.

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Journaling June: Pros and Cons of Pros and Cons

Paper with two columns labeled pros and cons.

I was taught to make a pros and cons list when facing a tough decision. Like most things my teachers told me, that suggestion made the quick in-and-out my ears trip. But, I think today I’ll give it the old college “why the hell not?”

Here’s the background. Each morning I make my own cappuccino. Lately I’ve been wondering if it would be better to get it from Starbucks. Let’s make the chart:

Pro

  1. It’s more convenient.

Okay. Done. Starbucks it is!

(but wait . . . )

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Journaling June: Existential Meditations

A dead worm on the sidewalk.

“Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing.”

I’m a sucker for quotes like that. I came across it on the subreddit inspirational quotes. I’ve subscribed to that subreddit because I’m trying to find the positive in the world. Sadly, most of the time it seems that the good things don’t surface quite like the bad ones do.

But, I can’t point my finger without three fingers pointing back. I may have quit watching the news, got off of social media (except Reddit), and avoid the sensationalistic hype machine as much as possible, but I still find plenty of click bait titles to follow. I go down those rabbit holes incensed, pitchfork and torch in either hand.

(in other words, we’re a sucker for that stuff too.)

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