My Baby’s Got Sauce

Black heart graffiti on wall at local pizzeria.

”Got a sharp mouth a sharp tongue” —G. Love

My wife is the best.

Yeah . . . Yeah . . . Yeah. . . I know. Your baby’s got sauce. But your baby ain’t SUH-WEET like mine.

You’re incredulous. I get it. You’re wondering, out of all the 70 hundred million billion wifes out there, how can I make such a bold claim? Cause this happened:

I was having a bad day. Full disclouse (assuming you don’t want to read the link provided), the shituation was completely my fault. I even realized it at the time. Regardless, a shit storm’s a shit storm and as much as I’d like to be a stoic master, I am not. I went full Hulk over some minuscule entitlement that was being denied me: Popeyes was out of chicken, for the moment, and I was going to have to wait for a full 15 minutes to get a freshly made batch.

(travesty!)

Continue reading “My Baby’s Got Sauce”

Journaling June: The Rules of the Game

Animal Crossing on NIntendo 3DS

For a long time I was ashamed that I play Animal Crossing.

For those readers who are not familiar, Animal Crossing is a very simplistic game where you play the mayor of a town of anthropomorphic animals. There are twenty or so NPCs: five or six residents (with houses you can visit); seven or eight shop keeps who sell things you need/buy things you have to sell; and the rest are a revolving cast that show up at different times for special events. The game takes place in real time, that is it uses the built in clock and calendar. When it is 5:00AM in the real world, it’s dark outside and 5AM in your town. Mid July on the calendar in the real world, the sun is shiny and the plants are in full bloom in your town. When the real world clock strikes midnight, January 1, the fireworks go off in your town to bring in the new year. (I’m in the United States so your game would be different. The dated events are specific to the region in which the game is played, so insert you’re specific events into the example.) Game play consists of things like fishing, talking with neighbors, starting municipal projects (new fountain, upgrading bridges, etc.), and shaking trees for fruits or treasure.

(basically, it’s being a retiree on Sesame Street.)

Continue reading “Journaling June: The Rules of the Game”

Journaling June: Asperger’s or Arsehole’s Syndrome

Am I a piece of shit?

(stop. don’t answer. it’s rhetorical. we’re working through something.)

I have started this, worked up a page or so, and stopped . . .

Nope. Not right. Start over.

I restarted, wrote a few hundred words, and stopped again . . .

Nope. Even wronger! Start over.

I sat staring at the screen . . .

Blinking cursor.

. . .

I got up. Went for a walk. When I got back I started again, but after 45 minutes . . .

(the pulse in our neck throbed in time with the cursor. weird.)

I’m a bit out of sorts right now. Please bear with me.

Continue reading “Journaling June: Asperger’s or Arsehole’s Syndrome”

What’s All This Damnable Humbuggery Then?

“Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?” —Murphy

What the fuck?

I ask that question often. I ask it because I find that the life is supremely confuzling (confusing + puzzling). I’m fairly sure life is that way for everyone, but it is particularly true for me. Why “particularly” for me? Maybe it’s my Asperger’s. Maybe it’s my mediocre intelligence. Maybe the world is just fucking crazy.

(perhaps all three?) Continue reading “What’s All This Damnable Humbuggery Then?”