Shitty Movie Detail: The Witcher

Geralt's eyes, close up.
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

Geralt says to his estranged mother, “Do you know what they did to my eyes?” Unfortunately, the show never answers that question. The answer is horrifying. (SPOILER) The special effects makeup department takes a disk of colored silicone hydrogel and places it over Henry Cavill’s iris, actually TOUCHING his cornea, to give his eyes the jaundiced look. EW!

Shitty Movie Detail: The Rise of Skywalker

Roman numeral 9 in the Star Wars font.
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

Despite advances in alternative numbering theory and flat earth sciences, The Rise of Skywalker is the ninth film in the nonology. Therefore it’s the conclusion. Martin Luther King, Jr’s review said it best, “Free at last, Free at last, Thank God almighty we are free at last.”

Shitty Movie Detail: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Image of Cliff Booth and Aldo Raine played by Brad Pitt
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

Cliff Booth is referred to as a war veteran, a subtle nod to his inglorious basterd days. This would seem to be an inconsistentcy, that is, Brad Pitt was Aldo Raine in WW2 but is now Cliff Booth. It is not. This is because both Inglorious Basterds and Once Upon a Time in Holywood are revisionist history films. Plus, there was a deleted scene, which was never shot, that connected the two seemingly disparate characters. In it, Aldo “Brad Pitt” Booth cuts a swastika into Charles Manson’s forehead saying, “No, THIS is my masterpiece.”

Shitty Movie Detail: Dark Phoenix

Jean Grey facepalm or headache? Or both?
FT, Fartiste Theater's frankenthing mascot.
FT, Fartiste Theater’s frankenthing mascot.

**Spoilers**
In the Greek myth of the phoenix, after a long life the magical bird dies, usually in a burst of flames, and a new bird resurrects from the ashes, symbolizing renewal in the cycle of life. Dark Phoenix gives a subtle nod to the folklore by having Jean Grey, the titular phoenix, die in a spectacular explosion but then goes dark and gritty. Rather than rising from the ashes, an elite private school is named in Jean Grey’s honor, symbolizing the filmmakers didn’t give a shit about the mythology, the comic source material, nor the audience.